Forty-six-year-old Rami went to the police station to report that he was a victim of violence. He was abused by his wife with whom he has lived for more than 20 years. “Lately, my wife has become tense. She shouts a lot and she even punches and kicks me every now and then,” he said.

Forty-six-year-old Rami went to the police station to report that he was a victim of violence. He was abused by his wife with whom he has lived for more than 20 years. “Lately, my wife has become tense. She shouts a lot and she even punches and kicks me every now and then,” he said.

Rami settled down for a while, as if in a confessional, and gathered his strength to talk about a very serious matter. Had it not for his lawyer’s encouragement, Rami would have never gotten it off his chest. “I could have reacted with the same violence, but at the beginning I understood her excuses as she was torn between work, household duties and our children,” Rami said. “I was forced to stay with her because divorce would have forced me to leave the house. Since she was shouldering all the family’s burdens, I hoped that she would change, but I have now decided to file for divorce,” he added sighing.

Rami is among only a few men who would publically admit being exposed to domestic abuse. His lawyer convinced him to report the abuse to the police because it strengthened his position in the divorce process and he might even get a divorce on the ground of hurt or damage.

According to the National Office for Family and Population, 10% of Tunisian husbands are abused by their wives. This study prompted one of the victims of spousal abuse to establish a shelter for abused husbands in 2002 where victimized husbands receive food, clothing, lodging and psychiatric care until they reconcile their differences with their wives. Moreover, a society called “The Abused Husbands Protection Society” has been established to look after that particular group.

“Yes, I hit my husband”

“My father used to hit my mother all the time and her voice is still very much alive in my mind, screaming in pain,” remembered 32-year-old Amal. She said she never wished things with her husband would come to violence, but life and family burdens as well as financial difficulties created an atmosphere of tension inside the house.

Amal acknowledged that she physically abused her husband, saying “I have never imagined that my relationship with my husband would degrade to such a level of dialogue. We yelled at each other and when he raised his hand to hit me, I confronted him and hit him. I refuse to repeat my mother’s experience as I have always detested weak and submissive women.”

Saliha, a 38-year-old mother of four, said, “At the beginning of our marriage, my husband used to hit me for trivial reasons and that is why I used to be fearful of him. I eventually decided to put an end to that farce and confronted violence with violence.  Since that moment, my husband has come to think twice before hitting me because he knows that I will not hesitate to punch and kick him,” she added.

Violence and sociology

Sociologist Hadi Alawi said violence against husbands was not a secretly circulated social issue. In some cases, he said, a woman feels the desire to retaliate because she grew up in a family where her father used to abuse her mother, which creates a sense of injustice and a conviction that the “system” is unable to protect her if she is physically or emotionally abused.

Alawi underlined that spousal abuse often began verbally with cursing, swearing and using offensive language against loved ones. The second type of abuse, he explained, is referred to as passive violence, which is when a wife resorts to silence, which leaves her husband irritated. But, the most dangerous kind of abuse is the physical kind where in some cases it escalates to throwing corrosive substances at husbands, penis cutting and even murder.

Alawi explained that a male’s ‘dependency’ makes him obedient and submissive, which transforms the husband-wife relationship into a mother-child relationship, especially if the wife had a dominant personality. He suggested that the “long heritage” of women’s humiliation was a major reason for them to resort to violence in response to being viewed as inferior. Alawi stressed that women’s violence against men was the result of progressive rage and its reasons were rarer and more compulsive compared to men.

Violence against men in the eyes of the law

Lawyer Yasin Barkawi said, the Tunisian law imposed the same penalty for abusive women and men. However, he explained, “the penalty imposed on women is always reduced for social considerations. Article 53 of the Criminal Law provides for extenuating circumstances according to the perpetrator’s personality and social conditions. Thus, women’s punishments are usually commuted, ranging from fines to suspended imprisonment.” Barkawi stressed that lawsuits filed by husbands against their wives were usually related to previously filed divorce lawsuits to enable them an escape alimony.